LDS Hymn Parodies - D

DEAREST MORMONS, DON'T BELIEVE IT

Dearest Mormons, don’t believe it,
Mormon doctrine is a myth.
Mormon scriptures were invented,
By a man named Joseph Smith.
He’s a shyster, he’s a shyster,
Please don’t put your trust in him.

Dearest Mormons, it’s malarkey,
None of it makes any sense.
It’s not true, that is apparent,
Deceptive swindle so immense.
It’s a rip-off, it’s a rip-off,
Don’t believe a word they say.

All the Mormons, true believers,
Just believe, don’t question it.
Just believe because they say so,
But that just isn’t wise, a bit.
Simply question, simply question,
Blind acceptance makes no sense.

Mormons, don’t you know it’s drivel?
What they tell you to accept.
Tell them reason and your judgment
In the background can’t be swept.
Please do research, please do research,
For the truth, just Google it.


© Diane Tingen, 6/7/2011


DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE MORMONS
Sung to the tune of Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, #221

Dear to the heart of the Mormons,
Dear are the sheep they entrap.
Held by the Kool-Aid they’re drinking,
And all the rest of the crap.
But to the anguish of Mormons,
Many are leaving the fold.

All the apostates and ExMos,
Finding the lies they withhold.


(Chorus)
Singling out all the Antis,
Who speak of lies and deceit.
Begging them, “Can’t you be quiet?

Why can’t you be more discreet?”

Dear to the heart of the Mormons,
Touting their lifestyle to all.
Claiming that the Word of Wisdom
Will help us all not to fall.
Saying Joe Smith was a Prophet,
Translating the Word of God.
But they don’t mention his history
Or that he was just a fraud.


(Chorus)
Condemning all of the “Antis,”
Who speak of lies and deceit.
Begging them, “Can’t you be quiet?

Why can’t you be more discreet?”

I was a part of the Mormons
For many years of my life.
I drank the Kool-Aid they offer,
I was an eternal wife.
But when I found the deception,
All of the lies that they tell,
Including the sordid history,
That’s when I bid them farewell.


(Chorus)
That’s when I joined the apostates,
Those who uncovered the lies.
Now unafraid to call bullshit,
Now less naïve and more wise.


© Diane Tingen, 6/2/2011


DID YOU STOP TO THINK?
Sung to Did You Think to Pray? #140
(aka Ere You Left Your Room this Morning)

When you read the Book of Mormon,
Did you stop to think?
Did you see anachronisms,
And the many contradictions,
Clearly out of sync?

(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.

When you heard about church history,
Did you stop to think?
Did you read yourself and study,
Not accepting every story
Each and every kink?


(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.


When you listened to the Prophet,
Did you stop to think?
When you heard what he professes,
Did you give up your own choices,
And completely shrink?


(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.


When your brain began to whisper,
"You should stop to think,"
Did you simply shelve the problems,
Watching them turn into volumes,
Closer to the brink?


(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.


When your doubts began to fester,
Did you stop to think?
Did you go into denial,
Trying hard to just be faithful,
And the Kool-Aid drink?


(Chorus)
Oh, how thinking makes us stronger,
We must always sort it out.
So when questions keep arising,
Do not squelch your doubt.


© Diane Tingen, 6/28/2011




DOES THE GOSPEL SEEM WRONG?
Does the gospel seem wrong,
Just deception and lies?
Does it simply not make any sense?
Were you filled with surprise
When you saw the deceit,
When you realized there’s no defense?
When I found out the truth,
I felt hurt and betrayed,
Very sad, I shed so many tears.
But I knew in my heart
And when I faced the facts,
I was lied to for so many years.
It is clear to me now
That the gospel’s not true,
And it’s obvious Joseph Smith lied.
Through my research I learned
The historical facts,
All the evidence I had denied.
When I thought it all through,
So apparent to see,
It is simply not the Word of God.
Can’t accept it on faith
When there’s evidence loud
Shouting “Yes, Mormonism’s a fraud.”
© Diane Tingen, 12/26/12


DON’T ACCEPT IT
Sung to the tune of Count Your Blessings, #241

When I was a Mormon, I believed it all,
Bought into each detail, whether big or small.
I was so compliant, never questioned it,
Till I finally saw what I could not admit.


(Chorus)
Don’t accept it all on what they say,
Don’t buy into all the games they play.
Don’t accept it, simply do the math,
Don’t go walking blindly down the garden path.


From the phony doctrines to the history,
Mormonism’s not what it purports to be.
So when I began to research on my own,
It began to seem just like the Twilight Zone.

(Chorus)
Mormonism is a web of lies,
True religion is its fake disguise.
Mormonism, don’t be taken in,
There’s deception underneath the lies they spin.


It is so apparent if you study it,
Just like it unraveled for me, bit by bit,
Look at every element objectively,
And you will be shocked by all the lies you see.


(Chorus)
Mormonism is a total fraud,
Many lies behind its slick façade.
Mormonism, quickly run away.
Don’t accept a single word of what they say.


© Diane Tingen, 7/20/2011



DON’T YOU DARE BAIL
Sung to the tune of True to the Faith – #254

1. When you’re faced with many questions
And it seems to not make sense,
Will you bail on Mormonism
Even though there’s no defense?  No!!

(Chorus)
Don’t you dare bail on the Mormon religion,
Though you can see that it’s full of deception.
No patty cake, that’s a mistake,
No taffy pulling for goodness sake.

2. Though we know that it’s a shit show,
And the lies are obvious,
Will you bail on Mormonism
And make Holland furious?  No!!

(Chorus)
Don’t you dare bail on the Mormon religion,
Though you can see that it’s full of deception.
No patty cake, that’s a mistake,
No taffy pulling for goodness sake.

3. While we know the sordid history
And how awful it can sound,
Will we stand by our convictions,
And not patty-cake around?  Yes!!

(Chorus)
Don’t you dare bail on the Mormon religion,
Though you can see that it’s full of deception.
No patty cake, that’s a mistake,
No taffy pulling for goodness sake.

4. When we hear from Jeffrey Holland
As he spews his words of fear,
What on earth would make us doubt it?
After all, it’s all so clear.  NOT!!

(Chorus)
And so I bailed on the Mormon religion,
Mainly because it is full of deception.
Leave me alone, don't even phone,
I am no longer a Mormon clone!!


© Diane Tingen, 5/4/2016




DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS
Sung to the tune of Choose the Right – #239

1. "Doubt your doubts" is a catchphrase coined by Dieter,
It is used when things do not make sense.
And of course, when discussing Mormonism,
There’s simply not a good defense.

(Chorus)
Doubt your doubts!  Doubt your doubts!
Just stuff them down and build a wall.
When in doubt, doubt your doubts
Before you doubt your faith at all.

2. Doubt your doubts, let no spirit of discretion
Overcome you when your doubts arise.
When the truth and the facts are there before you,
Full denial is the best disguise.

(Chorus)
Doubt your doubts!  Doubt your doubts!
Just stuff them down and build a wall.
When in doubt, doubt your doubts
Before you doubt your faith at all.

3. Doubt your doubts! There is peace in full denial.
Doubt your doubts! A mental game we play.
Doubt your doubts before doubting Mormonism,
Don’t let the facts get in your way.

(Chorus)
Doubt your doubts!  Doubt your doubts!
Just stuff them down and build a wall.
When in doubt, doubt your doubts
Before you doubt your faith at all.

Diane E. Tingen, 4/27/2014



DRAPED IN LIES
Sung to the tune of Secret Prayer - #144


1.When I began to have some doubts,
I soon would realize
That Mormonism is not true,
In fact, it’s draped in lies.


(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.


2.So now I have no doubts at all,
And there is no disguise.
No question it’s a total fraud,
And clearly draped in lies.



(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.


3.For many years, my faith was strong,
But much to my surprise,
When I began to question it,
I found it’s draped in lies.


(Chorus)
There’s no truth within the church,
Found the facts through my research.
Very clear, it’s filled with lies,
And there is no compromise.


4.I used to simply go along,
Although that wasn't wise.
Because when I researched it all,
So plainly draped in lies.


(Chorus)
Very clear, it's filled with lies,
And though they try to disguise
All the facts, deception deep,
No one buys it but the sheep.


© Diane Tingen, 5/23/2013