ExMormon Hymn Book: LDS Hymn Parodies

LDS Hymn Parodies - J

JOSEPH SMITH, THE MORMON PROPHET

Sung to the tune of Come, Rejoice – #9

Joseph Smith, the Mormon Prophet,

Died a martyr's death.
Claimed to be the Lord's true mouthpiece
To his dying breath.
Mormons still revere his name,
Though he played a shyster’s game.
Joseph was a total fraud,
Clearly not a man of God.

Joseph Smith was just a con man,
Charlatan supreme.

Treasure hunting, money digging,
Always one more scheme.
Mormonism came from that,
Head and seer stone in a hat.
A religion he devised,
Book of Mormon, plagiarized.

Joseph Smith, a Seer and Prophet

In his own warped mind,
Who created Mormonism,
Cleverly designed.
Many women, 33,
Married him, polygamy.
Started off with Emma Hale,
Many more can tell the tale.

Second wife was Fanny Alger,
Some said an affair.
Claimed that he had been commanded,
Had a liar’s flair.
Emma wasn’t buying it,
Kicked out Fanny in a snit.
But then Joseph married more,
Emma’s fury he’d ignore.

Yet today they whitewash history,
Anti-Mormon crap.
Try to say it didn’t happen,
Simply a bad rap.
Pure denial, disavow
All the evidence somehow.
Choosing simply to believe,
To the lies they blindly cleave.

JOSEPH SMITH WAS JUST A CON

Sung to the tune of God of Power, God of Right - #20

Joseph Smith was just a con,
And the list goes on and on
Of the many ways he lied,
Things I cannot take in stride.

Brigham Young, a liar, too,
Reading what his mouth would spew
Makes me sick on no small scale,
History tells quite a tale.

But the Mormons just believe
What they’re told, they’re so naïve.
Just accepting all the lies
Based on faith is just not wise.

How I wish they’d just research
History of the Mormon Church.
Study independently
Maybe lies they then would see.

I’m so happy that I left
Mormonism, so bereft
Of the honesty implied,
For the lies, I can’t abide.

© Diane Tingen, 03/05/2012

JOSEPH, JOSEPH, WHAT A SCOUNDREL

Sung to the tune of Israel, Israel, God is Calling - #7

Joseph, Joseph, what a scoundrel,
He created such a fraud.
Mormonism was his angle,
Touted as the Word of God.
Pure deception, pure deception,
Just a ruse, a false façade.
Pure deception, pure deception,
Just a hoax, a false façade.

Joseph, Joseph, what a shyster,
Not a Prophet and a Seer.
He was clearly an imposter,
Not a tiny bit sincere.
Do some research, do some research,
All the facts are crystal clear.
Do some research, do some research,
All the facts are crystal clear.

Joseph, Mormons still revere you,
Worship you, their Prophet dear.
Faced with truth, they loudly argue,
Close their ears so they can’t hear.
Mormonism, Mormonism,
False religion, very clear.
Mormonism, Mormonism,
False religion, very clear.

Joseph, Joseph, very callous,
Made it up, no truth at all.
Mormonism, clearly bogus,
Really was the height of gall.
So deceptive, so deceptive,
Truth is written on the wall.
So deceptive, so deceptive,
Truth is written on the wall.

JOSEPH, THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU
Sung to the tune of Jesus, the Very Thought of Thee, #141

Joseph, the very thought of you
Fills me with such disdain.
Making it up so blatantly,
Facts no one can explain.

What were you thinking when you said
All of it came from God?
It is apparent to me now
You were a total fraud.

Why did you think it was okay
To all those women wed?
It is so obvious to me
You wanted them in bed.

Joseph created all of it,
Made up the Mormon Church.
It is so clear when studied out,
Just do your own research.

© Diane Tingen, 11/9/2011

JUST TELL THE TRUTH

Sung to the tune of God Speed the Right, #106

Though there are no easy answers,
Just tell the truth.
Though the facts may cost you dollars,
Just tell the truth.
When researching Mormon doctrine,
Filled with lies and that’s for certain.
Just tell the truth, just tell the truth.

For the Mormons wearing blinders,
Just tell the truth.
Though they think they’re happy campers,
Just tell the truth.
Lies are such a vicious cycle,
Honesty a righteous battle.
Just tell the truth, just tell the truth.

So they pray and read their scriptures,
And they obey,
Shading things to make them better
Is not the way.
A religion should be truthful,
Not exploring every angle,
Make sure they pay, make sure they pay.

Joseph Smith was not a prophet,
Just tell the truth,
But you work to keep that quiet,
Just tell the truth.
History is not subjective,
And the lies are not persuasive,
Just tell the truth, just tell the truth.

JUST USE YOUR BRAIN

Sung to the tune of Do What is Right, #237

Just use your brain,
Your reasoning powers,
Inquiry with your own mind just makes sense.
Don’t follow blindly and simply accept it,
Don’t be a sheep, let your thinking commence.

(Chorus)
Just use your brain,
Let your reasoning powers
Tell you what’s right and what you should believe.
It makes more sense to use critical thinking,
Blindly obeying, don’t be that naïve.

Just use your brain,Your rose-colored glasses
Simply obscure what reality shouts.
If you believe it without proper study,
All you are doing is squelching your doubts.

(Chorus)
Just use your brain
Let your reasoning powers
Tell you what’s right and what you should believe.
It makes more sense to use critical thinking,
Blindly obeying, don’t be that naïve.

Just use your brain,
Don’t just shelve your issues,
There is no wisdom in stifling yourself.
Don’t stuff it down, and then suffer in silence,
As you place more and more there on your shelf.

(Chorus)
Just use your brain
Let your reasoning powers
Tell you what’s right and what you should believe.
It makes more sense to use critical thinking,
Blindly obeying, don’t be that naïve.

© Diane Tingen, 6/19/2011

When I first began writing LDS Hymn Parodies, I first began by posting them on my other blog (http://mormonismschism.blogspot.com/), and then decided it would be a good idea for them to have their own dedicated place (with special pages in alphabetical order and all), so this blog was created for that purpose.

Having been born and raised in the Mormon Church, I spent my entire life singing hymns, not only in church meetings but also in various Ward and Stake Choirs (and even in the Southern California Mormon Choir). Ward Choir Director was also my calling for awhile. Since I also play the piano (and learned from a Mormon piano teacher), I also learned to play the hymns, and was Pianist in Primary, Sunday School, and Relief Society. Naturally, playing the piano led to learning to play the organ, and then being Ward Organist for a long time.

So it's no wonder that I have so many LDS hymns stuck in my brain. It amazes me just how many hymns I can still sing from memory. Of course, since I've been out of Mormonism now for over 8 years, it irritates me that I know the words to so many Mormon-themed hymns. So one day, I started making up alternative words - and found it very amusing and extremely cathartic. The first hymn I parodied was "I Stand All Amazed," and since then I haven't been able to stop. So I'm gonna just keep going until I can't think of anymore. But since I apparently have the gift for blasphemy (as my daughter recently told me), that probably won't happen anytime soon.

I hope you enjoy my "spin" on some old familiar LDS Hymn favorites. But if you don't, you're probably a TBM and not an ExMormon like me. Oh, well...

MY EXIT FROM MORMONISM

As a preface to my thoughts about Mormonism (and my exit from my lifelong religion), I would like to share the following quote:

"Well, it's either true or false. If it's false, we're engaged in a great fraud. If it's true, it's the most important thing in the world. Now, that's the
whole picture. It is either right or wrong, true or false, fraudulent or true."

President Gordon B. Hinckley,
Interview, "The Mormons,"
PBS Documentary, April 2007

In essence, after researching the roots of Mormonism, which obviously form its foundation, as well as examining its doctrine in depth, I have concluded that it is a great fraud. Having been born and raised in the Mormon Church, and remaining LDS until my early 50's, facing that realization was very difficult and was not done lightly.

SOME BACKGROUND:
In the Summer of 2001, I went on a Mormon Church History Tour. Before going, I decided to do some research so I would know more about what occurred at the key places when we visited them. But that was the beginning of the end for me as I discovered more and more of the sordid history of the Mormon Church. Soon, I began to realize that Joseph Smith made the whole thing up and that the Mormon Church is built on an enormous stack of lies. Sadly, I also began to realize that I had allowed the Mormon Church to pull the wool over my eyes for a very long time. But even with that realization, it took me quite a while longer to finally break away because of how intricately my life was tied up in Mormonism and how long I had been blinded by the lies Mormonism perpetuates (which, of course, is what they are counting on).

But finally, I did break away - and I have now been Mormonism Free for over 8 years. What I have realized during the ensuing years is that my intellectual curiosity was squelched by Mormonism. Being told to "just believe" and "have faith" was very detrimental to my psyche, particularly since so much made little sense. Trying to rationalize through everything had a negative effect on me as well, making me very confused and uncomfortable. Since that time, I have discovered that these types of feelings are called "cognitive dissonance" (a feeling of discomfort when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions). Cognitive dissonance is discussed in greater length in a book I have written, which is coming soon to Amazon.com and Kindle. Since leaving Mormonism behind, I have grown so much and have discovered who I really am - and that is a tremendous gift.

As noted above, a book I have written is coming soon to Amazon.com and Kindle. That book (entitled "Finding My Own Voice: The AHA!! Moments of a Former Mormon Woman") chronicles my very long journey through and away from Mormonism and discussed many of the issues that had plagued me for many years. Also, on my other blog - www.mormonismschism.blogspot.com - you will find some poems I have written about my views concerning various aspects of Mormonism as well as discussions relative to the issues that led to my decision to eventually disassociate myself from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

In sharing my opinions and the information I have uncovered, it is my hope that I can in some small way help others by offering some insights into issues that many Mormons undoubtedly face in determining whether or not their faith has been misplaced.

For those of you who are thinking, "Oh, those Ex-Mormons... they can leave the church but they can't leave it alone," I offer this quote:

"Some of you are probably thinking, "Why don't you just leave them (the Mormons) alone?" So I ask you, if you saw a thirsty man drinking water from a well you knew to be poisoned, would you let him continue to drink or would you guide him to a safe well? ~Christopher Miller

While I'm sure that active Mormons (TBMs) and the Mormon Church itself would be much happier if people who have left the church kept their opinions to themselves, I cannot do that. If I can help one person to see the lies that are laced throughout Mormonism, then I will feel that my efforts have not been in vain.