THE CRAZY TALK GETS CRAZIER - LDS Hymn Parody #124

There's a few blogs that I follow in the ExMormon online community, and one of them is Ward Gossip (written by Donna Banta who always has great insights, satirical and otherwise, into all things ExMormon). Earlier this year, Donna posted a two-part series of blog entries entitled, Why ExMormons Won't Leave the Church Alone.  What she said in those blog entries triggered my writing of Why Can't You Just Leave the Church Alone? (which was my 121st LDS Hymn Parody).  Now, again, a blog entry posted on Ward Gossip on December 19, 2015 has prompted me to write another LDS Hymn Parody.  That blog entry was entitled The Crazy Talk Gets Even Crazier - and that is so true!!  Just when you think it can't get crazier, it does. Mormons continue to blindly accept whatever they are told and will defend it even though what they are saying makes absolutely no sense. But even pointing that out doesn't do any good; they are so convinced of its "truth" that they seem comfortable in their ignorance.  When asked to simply exploration the possibility that what they are saying might not be true, they scoff and dig their heels in even harder.

What's sad is that I remember having that mindset.  When I was a devout Mormon, no one could convince me that it wasn't actually true.  Although I did have issues with certain aspects of Mormonism from an early age (which I put on my imaginary shelf), I nevertheless accepted it as the gospel truth and told myself that I just needed to be more humble; and that I also needed to pray more and read the scriptures more so I would be worthy to understand it all.  But even though I did those things, the issues I had remained, making me feel not only unworthy but also frustrated and extremely inadequate.  I look back on those times with complete disdain because I now know that I was chasing an elusive goal.

Amidst my questioning, as my imaginary shelf became more and more crowded with more and more issues until it was close to tumbling down, I finally did some research into Mormon Church History.  In doing so, I began to realize that Mormonism is simply not true. In time, I came to the conclusion that it is a completely bogus religion - and looking at it now, I ask myself how I could have accepted it for so long.  But then, hindsight is 20/20 and kicking yourself for past mindsets is futile.

So here is my 124th LDS Hymn Parody.  The crazy talk does keep getting crazier, but thank goodness I finally walked away and am no longer caught up in the ridiculous Mormon mindset (a/k/a denial) that made me think it wasn't crazy at all.

THE CRAZY TALK GETS CRAZIER

Sung to the tune of Come, Listen to a Prophet’s Voice - #21

1. The crazy talk gets crazier

As Mormons skirt the lies.
They will not see, it’s all a blur,
Deception in disguise.
They speak of truth yet just ignore
Whatever doesn’t fit.
It’s fraudulent right to its core,

A total pile of shit.

2. They say to simply doubt your doubts,
And cling to what they say.
But that is hard to figure out
Since facts get in the way.
There’s clearly lots of evidence
To prove deception deep,
But since they don’t use common sense,
They’ve all turned into sheep.

3. When questioning its truthfulness,
I finally saw the lies.
And now I see that it’s BS,
For truth, no compromise.
Deceit the Mormons try to spin
To camouflage the lies.
So obvious from deep within,
No matter its disguise.

4. Now due to my awakening,
I’m Mormonism free.
No longer to its lies I cling,
And I am finally ME.
The crazy talk gets crazier
With every passing day,
But now it’s gotten easier
To simply look away.

© Diane Tingen, 12/31/2015

THE EVIDENCE IS THERE - LDS Hymn Parody #113

Here is another LDS Hymn Parody - my 113th.  I'm not sure how many more I'm going to able to write since I've done so many of the familiar ones already.  But I'm going to keep going until I run out of steam. After all, they're just asking for it...

This hymn parody is entitled THE EVIDENCE IS THERE - and it truly is.  Mountains of evidence against the Mormon Church being true.  Facts galore supporting my hypothesis that Mormonism is completely bogus. Again, I'm sure I sound like a broken record, but so be it.  I have cited the evidence over and over in this blog - and it is available in many sources.  Google is a good start. Accepting anything that you're told to believe without doing your own research is not wise. Critical thinking is tantamount to forming a person's own opinions and basing them on actual facts, not blind faith and a admonition to "just believe."  Really, THE EVIDENCE IS THERE - if Mormons would pay attention to it rather than simply buying the party line.

The original hymn (An Angel from on High) was written by Parley P. Pratt (1807-1857) who was, in my opinion, one of the biggest sleazes in the early days of the Mormon Church as well as one of the biggest perpetrators of the lies that encompass Mormonism.  He was also one of the men who participated in both Polygamy and Polyandry.  In fact, he was murdered in 1857 by Hector McLean, the estranged husband of his 12th wife (Eleanor McLean) (estranged meaning they weren't divorced, so it was a polyandrous marriage). 

There is a lot of information about Parley P. Pratt on the internet.  Some people call him a religious martyr, and Brigham Young apparently thought of him in that category along with Joseph Smith and Hyrum Smith, both of whom died in Carthage Jail.  But in my opinion, calling him a religious martyr is ridiculous.  Having been murdered by the estranged husband of a woman he had married and had helped to keep her children from their father does not make him a martyr.  In fact, Hector McLean pressed criminal charges against Parley P. Pratt, saying that he had aided Eleanor in the kidnapping of his children. The result of the subsequent trial (in Arkansas) was an acquittal due to lack of evidence. Shortly after his release, Pratt was shot and stabbed by Hector (on May 13, 1957) on a farm northeast of Van Buren, Arkansas.  Some writings, though, say that Hector was aided in the killing by at least two other men.  They have been otherwise characterized as "a small Arkansas band antagonistic toward Pratt's teachings," which in my opinion is a total fabrication designed by the Mormon faction.

From what I've read, Pratt's death may have also played a part in events that lead up to the Mountain Meadows Massacre a few months later.  There were a number of people in the party who were from Arkansas, and it was rumored that some present had participated in Pratt's murder.  Apparently, in this way members of the Mormon Church rationalized out the horrendous circumstances of the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

Interestingly, Parley P. Pratt was the great-great-grandfather of Mitt Romney, and the great-great-great grandfather of Jon Huntsman.  As mentioned above, Pratt practiced plural marriage and had 12 wives, 30 children, and 266 grandchildren.  In 2011, Pratt's living descendants were estimated to number between 30,000 and 50,000.

So much for background.  Here's my 113th LDS Hymn Parody.  My advice to TBMs is that the evidence really is there, so at least look at it - and consider it.  Really, a little bit of critical thinking goes a long way...

THE EVIDENCE IS THERE

Sung to the tune of An Angel from on High - #13

The evidence is there,
The facts are clear to see,
And no amount of prayer
Can change its history.
No, Mormonism is not true,
It was made up by Joseph Smith.
No, Mormonism is not true,
It was made up by Joseph Smith.

When I began to doubt
And question what they say,
I had to check it out,
And all the details weigh.
So as I researched carefully,
The lies were very clear to me.
So as I researched carefully,
The lies were very clear to me.

The lies are laced throughout,
Deception to the core.
There really is no doubt,
That’s why I closed the door.
They say have faith and just believe,
But all the while they do deceive.
They say have faith and just believe,
But all the while they do deceive.

No matter what they say,
It is a stack of lies.
And so I walked away,
With truth no compromise.
On Mormonism closed the door,
Deception I cannot ignore.
On Mormonism closed the door,
Deception I cannot ignore.

© Diane Tingen, 5/6/2015

DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS - LDS Hymn Parody #106

It's been a few months since I've written an LDS Hymn Parody, but this morning I woke up with this one in my head.  What's interesting about these hymn parodies is that once an idea enters my brain, they practically write themselves.  And of course, I have to thank the Mormon Church for putting their hymnal online (complete with audible music) because this aids me immeasurably in the writing of these LDS Hymn Parodies.

My newest LDS Hymn Parody is based on the talk entitled, Come, Join with Us, given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf at the LDS General Conference in October 2013.  Of course, as we all know, Dieter Uchtdorf is the Second Counselor in the First Presidency of the Mormon Church.

In that talk, Dieter said to, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."  Below are some sections of this talk that I find especially interesting:

Unanswered Questions

Some struggle with unanswered questions about things that have been done or said in the past. We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200 years of Church history—along with an uninterrupted line of inspired, honorable, and divine events—there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question.

Sometimes questions arise because we simply don’t have all the information and we just need a bit more patience. When the entire truth is eventually known, things that didn’t make sense to us before will be resolved to our satisfaction.

Sometimes there is a difference of opinion as to what the “facts” really mean. A question that creates doubt in some can, after careful investigation, build faith in others.

Mistakes of Imperfect People

And, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.

I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes.

In the title page of the Book of Mormon we read, “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.”⁶

This is the way it has always been and will be until the perfect day when Christ Himself reigns personally upon the earth.

It is unfortunate that some have stumbled because of mistakes made by men. But in spite of this, the eternal truth of the restored gospel found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not tarnished, diminished, or destroyed.

As an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ and as one who has seen firsthand the councils and workings of this Church, I bear solemn witness that no decision of significance affecting this Church or its members is ever made without earnestly seeking the inspiration, guidance, and approbation of our Eternal Father. This is the Church of Jesus Christ. God will not allow His Church to drift from its appointed course or fail to fulfill its divine destiny.

There Is Room for You

To those who have separated themselves from the Church, I say, my dear friends, there is yet a place for you here.

Come and add your talents, gifts, and energies to ours. We will all become better as a result.

Some might ask, “But what about my doubts?”

It’s natural to have questions—the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding. There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith—even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true.⁷

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters—my dear friends—please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.⁸ We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

When I read this talk, I thought Really!?!!  Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.  To me, this statement is nothing more than a diversion tactic.  It seeks to get members of the Mormon Church to simply accept it all in a time when it is becoming increasingly apparent that Mormonism is based on an enormous stack of lies.  It tells them to not use any type of critical thinking but to just go along.

In my book, Closing the Door on Mormonism: The AHA! Moments that Triggered my Awakening, I discuss this quote as follows:

"I find it interesting that at the Mormon Church’s General Conference that was held during the weekend of October 5-6, 2013, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Second Counselor in the First Presidency) said to “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.”  For years, this is exactly what I did.  Stuffing down all my doubts, I tried to cling to my faith and just forge ahead, without using any type of critical thinking at all.  But eventually, that tact came back to bite me repeatedly as I realized exactly what I had overlooked over the years."

"On the Mormon Curtain website, there is an article entitled “An Open Letter to President Uchtdorf: When is it OK to Stop Doubting Your Doubts?” which was posted on October 9, 2013 by Craig Paxton.  See www.mormoncurtain.com

"In that article, the question is asked of “When is it OK to Stop Doubting your Doubts and just go where the evidence leads?”  It then talks about the scene in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Lion and the Tin Man are standing in front of the Great and Powerful Oz after having done everything they were told to do.  But then, as the Great and Powerful Oz begins hedging on his promise and asks for more time, Dorothy and the others start questioning his power, saying that if he was as great and powerful as he claimed to be, that he would keep the promises he had made to them.  At that point, Oz becomes incensed and begins to verbally attack Dorothy for questioning his authority.  Just then, Dorothy’s dog Toto pulls back the curtain to reveal a man behind the curtain who is speaking into a microphone and pulling levers to manipulate the situation.  But even after first saying not to pay attention to the man behind the curtain and then finally admitting that he is Oz, Dorothy says she doesn’t believe him, even though the evidence is clear and obvious.  She grasps at straws to try to maintain her current mindset.

"The article goes on to say: 'Just as the Wizard of Oz attempted to divert attention away from the man behind the curtain, the church uses apologetic answers to divert those who doubt away from answers that lead to loss of faith.'  The fallacy of Mormonism is so obvious to me now, and yet for years I did exactly what President Uchtdorf said – I doubted my doubts before I doubted my faith.  Like I said, though, in the end, that all came back at me like an avalanche when confronted with the actual truth, and then, I could no longer simply turn a blind eye to the facts and evidence that are so glaringly apparent."

I've gotta give Dieter one thing - he's a very handsome man.  And though he may not be "The Most Interesting Man in the World," he's definitely the most interesting man in the First Presidency (but then, it's not like he has very much competition).

And now, here is an LDS Hymn Parody to further highlight this diversion tactic.  

DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS

Sung to the tune of Choose the Right – #239

1. "Doubt your doubts" is a catchphrase coined by Dieter,
It is used when things do not make sense.
And of course, when discussing Mormonism,
There’s simply not a good defense.

(Chorus)

Doubt your doubts!  Doubt your doubts!
Just stuff them down and build a wall.
When in doubt, doubt your doubts
Before you doubt your faith at all.

2. Doubt your doubts, let no spirit of discretion
Overcome you when your doubts arise.
When the truth and the facts are there before you,
Full denial is the best disguise.

(Chorus)

Doubt your doubts!  Doubt your doubts!
Just stuff them down and build a wall.
When in doubt, doubt your doubts
Before you doubt your faith at all.

3. Doubt your doubts! There is peace in full denial.
Doubt your doubts! A mental game we play.
Doubt your doubts before doubting Mormonism,
Don’t let the facts get in your way.

(Chorus)

Doubt your doubts!  Doubt your doubts!
Just stuff them down and build a wall.
When in doubt, doubt your doubts
Before you doubt your faith at all.

Diane E. Tingen

4/27/2014

BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT - LDS Hymn Parody #91

Beyond the shadow of a doubt. There are certain phrases that immediately remind me of my many years in the Mormon Church, and this is one of them. I heard that phrase so many times in church that I lost count, and particularly in Fast and Testimony Meeting - and I'm sure I said it many times way back when I was still a devout Mormon, without even realizing what it really meant.

When I saw this picture, I really liked it because it demonstrates what this phrase really means. The man is standing outside the shadow of the word "Doubt." This precisely shows just how far outside of "Doubt" my convictions really are about the many falsehoods within Mormonism.

On Wikipedia, this phrase is defined as follows:

Beyond the shadow of a doubt, or beyond a shadow of a doubt, is a standard of proof. The phrase means the issue in question is so obvious, or has been so thoroughly proven, that there can exist no doubt. Two possible interpretations of "Beyond a shadow" might refer, first, to the fact that doubt could be nowhere in the vicinity (completely expelled from the issue), or second, to the thoroughness of the argument (a shadow being even less substantial than a doubt itself).

After coming to the conclusion that Mormonism is a complete fraud, I can now say that "I know beyond the shadow of a doubt" that Mormonism was obviously created by Joseph Smith for his own purposes, and perpetuated by other men ever since his death. Of that fact, there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind. It is very hard for me to understand how anyone can stay in the Mormon Church once they discover the actual truth behind the doctrines, teaching and history. But so many members mindlessly cling to it all, refusing to believe that it is actually an enormous stack of lies, and that the entire religion was a hoax from the get-go. Complete and total denial.

So here is my 91st LDS Hymn Parody, dedicated to knowing "Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt" that Mormonism is a complete and total fraud, riddled with innumerable lies...

BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT

Sung to the tune of While of These Emblems We Partake - #173

Beyond the shadow of a doubt,
Though I believed and was devout,
Now I am sure it is a fraud,
And not at all the Word of God.

When looking at the Mormon Church,
Investigate and do research,
Examine all the evidence,
Clearly there is no good defense.

Seeing the facts, I could not stay,
Closed all the doors and walked away.
The Mormon Church is in my past,
A web of lies, so huge and vast.

It was made up by Joseph Smith,
What he created is a myth.
Mormons steadfastly cling to lies,
What they believe the truth belies.

© Diane Tingen, 4/2/2013

FOR THE BEAUTY OF THE TRUTH - LDS Hymn Parody #67

To me, there is beauty in truth.  Plain and simple.  No little white lies.  No wiggle room.  No bobbing and weaving.  No hedging.  Just the pure truth based on facts and evidence.  

But I've been told that I take the concept of truth too literally, at least on some discussion boards where I've attempted to discuss this topic.  But in doing so, I have been criticized for saying that since there are obvious lies laced throughout Mormonism, I had to discard it.  It has been pointed out that every religion has lies within it, as if that is a justification for the lies I have discovered.  But to me, just because "all religions" have lies within them doesn't mean that it is okay for every religion to present lies as absolute truth.  After all, if a religion has lies laced throughout it, then what possible benefit can it have to me in my life?  For example, the Mormon Church teaches honesty and integrity as important values, and yet they have no regard for the actual truth when it comes to presenting its doctrine or history.  I, for one, have a real problem with that.

Perhaps the search for truth and beauty is an elusive one.  Obviously truth and beauty mean different things to different people.  But regardless of whether or not that may be true, wouldn't a person think that within religion that search would be simpler?  That those qualities would intermingle and co-exist within the worship of God?  Sadly, though, that doesn't seem to be the case. 

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

Yes, as far as I am concerned, TRUTH is the bottom line.  Is something true - or is it false?  If it's false, then I want nothing to do with it.  To me, it really is that simple.

Of course, that explains why, when I discovered so many lies laced throughout Mormonism, I had to extricate myself from its grasp.  And that also explains why I have such a hard time understanding why some people can know all the flaws, all the deception, all the lies, all the sordid history, and still adhere to Mormonism.  Makes no sense to me.

Anyway, here is my 67th LDS Hymn Parody, all about TRUTH...

FOR THE BEAUTY OF THE TRUTH
Sung to the tune of For the Beauty of the Earth, #92

For the beauty of the truth,
Sorting through apparent lies.
Seeing that it’s all made up,
Facts that brought me much surprise.
Truth is what it’s all about,
Knowing without any doubt.

For the beauty of the facts,
Recognizing every clue.
When the evidence is there,
Standing up for what is true.
Truth is what it’s all about,
Knowing without any doubt.

Finding truth, a worthy search,
Ripping off the veiled disguise.
Finally seeing what is false,
Then discarding all the lies.
Truth is what it’s all about,
Knowing without any doubt.

For the joy of feeling free,
Living an authentic life.
Finally facing all the facts,
Free from all the pain and strife.

Mormonism is not true,
So I bid it all adieu.

© Diane Tingen, 5/29/2012

MORMONS SAY THEIRS IS THE ONLY TRUE CHURCH - LDS Hymn Parody #57



When I was doing my research about the Mormon Church, its history and its doctrines, I began to realize that what I had heard growing up about the Mormon Church being a cult might actually be true.  Of course, when I was growing up and heard anyone say that the Mormon Church was a cult, I was adamant in my defense of it, saying "Oh no, it's not a cult."  Back then, though, I thought of cults as extremist organizations that require their members to wear weird clothing (or costumes), live in a commune of some sort, or stand on street corners chanting weird verbiage.  But those characteristics are not what makes a cult a cult.  It's their belief system, usually extreme, and always very rigid and inflexible.

So when I began to examine Mormonism very closely, I decided to read a few books about cults - and I very quickly came to the conclusion that Mormonism is, indeed, a cult.  After all, it fits all of the characteristics of being a cult.

I won't go into a lot of detail here since I delve into that topic in-depth in the book I wrote that is posted on this blog (in Chapter 11 - Is the Mormon Church a Cult?), but as stated there, one of the characteristics of a cult is EXCLUSIVISM - or in other words, a religion stating that it is the only true church and that adherence to its tenets is the only way to gain eternal salvation.  Does that sound familiar?  Of course it does... because that's Mormonism to a T.  Interestingly, that premise is also expounded by the Jehovah Witnesses and other religions.  

Here is an interesting article on cults (You Might be in a Cult if...), that discusses the characteristics of cults, including Mormonism.  And here is another article discussing why Mormonism is a cult (http://www.believeallthings.com/5303/mormonism-cult/).

www.howcultswork.com

The philosophy of Exclusivism has always bothered me - even when I was a devout member of the Mormon Church.  I always had trouble believing that only Mormons were going to gain eternal salvation "in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom."  I struggled with the concept that there is "only one way" to "get to heaven" or gain eternal salvation - and that only the Mormon Church provides that possibility.  Of course, the Mormons are very "generous" in that they say that those who do not accept Mormonism on this earth still have a chance in the Afterlife... and that's what temples are for, performing baptisms and other ordinances for the dead so that if they accept Mormonism in the Spirit World, then they can be exalted regardless of whether they were Mormon in this life.  Isn't that nice of the Mormon God?  What a guy, huh?!!

But of course, there's a catch... and my very TBM father used to preface that supposed doctrinal statement with saying that people's personalities and thought processes won't change after this life, so if they didn't accept the gospel here, then the likelihood of them accepting it in the Afterlife is very slim.  Kind of a disclaimer clause (and Mormonism is full of them).

And so, here is my 57th LDS Hymn Parody...

MORMONS SAY THEIRS IS THE ONLY TRUE CHURCH
Sung to the tune of Teach Me to Walk in the Light - #304

Mormons say theirs is the only true church,
And who am I to their doctrines besmirch.
But it’s apparent that it’s filled with lies,
Research, research may open their eyes.

It is through research that I found the truth,
Wish I had studied much more in my youth.
But I believed it as they said I should,
Rewind, rewind my life if I could.

Going along when they say just believe
Is what they want as they work to deceive.
Good little sheep, what the members should be,
Yielding, yielding their free agency.

It might be clear if they opened their eyes,
Truth so apparent, there’s no compromise.
Dishonesty manifested throughout,
Fiction, fiction, without any doubt.

© Diane Tingen, 02/14/2012

To 50... and BEYOND!!!

Well, I made my goal of 50 LDS hymn parodies... and now I'm aiming for 60 (which is apropos since that is now my age).

And here's #51... very self-explanatory, so...

OH SAY WHAT IS TRUTH

Sung to the tune of Oh Say, What is Truth? #272

O say what is truth, and do not ignore
What the actual facts really are.
Do not hide your head in the sand and pretend
That whatever they tell you is true to the end,
From truth you will be very far.

Yes, say what is truth, not the Mormon way,
Where they just bow their heads and say Yes.
Don’t follow along as you blindly obey,
Just accepting whatever it is that they say,
As they veil the lies with finesse.

The church is not true, that is very clear

If you really examine it all.

It’s simply a scam, a despicable fraud,
Joseph Smith made it up, did not get it from God,
The lies and deceptions must fall.

Then say what is truth, do not simply agree
Without looking at it carefully.
And with Google’s help, you can figure it out,
The lies so apparent, no more questions or doubt,
And then the real truth you will see.

© Diane Tingen, 12/23/2011