Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Everyone needs a Bucket List - all the things you want to do before you die.  There are many things on my Bucket List, and I'm trying to live my life so that many of those things I want to do before I shed this mortal coil.  But for me, the most important thing has already been done.  After coming to the realization that Mormonism is a fraud, I left it all behind - and finally became myself.  THE REAL ME.  

Lately, I've been thinking about how much I have changed over the past few years since leaving Mormonism.  I used to be very complacent.  Didn't want to make waves.  Tried to blend into the background.  Took everything so seriously.  Especially Mormonism.  I didn't understand many things about my "chosen religion," and I had many questions, but I still went along.  Just like a good little Mormon girl/woman.  What irks me the most if that for most of my life, I wasn't intellectually curious enough to research or study anything that wasn't "authorized" by the Mormon Church.  I accepted whatever they told me.  And whatever I didn't understand, I put on my "shelf," thinking that I must not be righteous enough to comprehend those doctrines or principles.  I believed the hype that I just needed to study more, pray more, attend more church meetings, and try harder to be a good Mormon woman.  Didn't make me feel very satisfied, but I was certain that was the price I needed to pay for not being "good enough."

Simply put, I was the Mormon version of my true self - who I thought I was supposed to be.  NOT THE REAL ME.

Leaving Mormonism is the best thing that ever happened to me.  Shedding the shackles of the past freed me to finally BE MYSELF... and I've never been happier than I am right now.  When I discovered all the lies laced throughout Mormonism, it was quite a shock.  The more I researched, the more I discovered, and the more flabbergasted I became.  Layer upon layer, I uncovered the deception, the intricate web of lies created by Joseph Smith and perpetuated through the years by many other men.  At first, I didn't know what to do, but in the end, I knew I had no other choice than to disassociate myself from the Mormon Church.

When I finally stopped going to church with no intention of every returning is when I finally began to realize who I really am.  A strong, competent, intellectually curious woman who spent many years with her true personality being suppressed and squelched by a religion that plays very fast and loose with the truth.  Of course, I was very angry that I had spent 52 years in such a religion - and in many ways, I felt that my life had been stolen from me.  I questioned why my parents even joined the church when I was only 10 months old, essentially subjecting me to a Mormon life without my consent.  I kicked myself for not being more intellectually curious at a younger age because perhaps then I would have discovered the lies sooner.  Basically, I had let them lead me along for so many years.  A mindless sheep.  But eventually, I worked through the anger and realized that if I let those types of thoughts define my life, then Mormonism is still winning.  That's when I decided to start this blog, which has been a great outlet for my many thoughts about Mormonism, its lies, and the effects of the deception it perpetuates.

And so, below is an LDS Hymn Parody I have written about My Bucket List.  Although there are many other things on my Bucket List, #1 is already checked off.  SIMPLY BE MYSELF.  DONE.

Sung to the tune of High on the Mountain Top - #5
High on my Bucket List,
The things I want to do
Before I leave this world
And bid this life adieu.
I simply want to be myself,
And empty off my Mormon shelf.
For way too many years
My shelf did overflow,
Just shoving things up there
And watching it all grow.
But then I saw the stack of lies,
The truth revealed, no more disguise.
That’s when I finally found
The courage from inside
To simply be myself,
And I no longer hide
From what the truth has done for me,
It made me strong and set me free.
So thankful that I’m not
Still caught within the Church,
I’m Mormonism Free,
Their doctrine I besmirch.
It was made up by Joseph Smith,
The Mormon Church, a total myth.
No shadow of a doubt,
I know it’s filled with lies.
I've seen the evidence
Each TBM denies.
I wish they’d look with open eyes,
Then they might say their own goodbyes.
So now my Bucket List,
A check by #1,
The most important thing
I finally have done.
I've shed the pain and dried my tears,
In peace I’ll live throughout my years.
© Diane Tingen, 1/21/2013



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