MORMONS, THE PROBLEMS ARE PLENTY - LDS Hymn Parody #94

Earlier this week, I got an email from a TBM who has read my blog - an 18 year old boy who has submitted his mission papers. In this email, he said that he has read several of my hymn parodies, and... well, here's his email:

I have grown up in the lds church all my life and never was I told to stop asking questions or to not worry about my questions. I had many questions. I have been studying the church's history for almost three years now. I completely understand how you are angry at the church. It can be very hard to understand. I have found for myself the truth and it has made my testimony of Joseph smith and the restoration of the gospel steadfast and immovable. I am a worthy 18 year old young man and am proud to say that I have turned my mission papers in so I can serve god. I have spent countless hours studying church history. I have not as you might say justified or am in denial and I am not ignorant. I have found the explanations of the truth. I decided to wright you because I read some of your hymn parody's and I do think you have quite the talent for poems, however as to your blog "yet another anonymous" you quoted Christopher miller. To this I say you don't know if the well is poisoned or not. I have found great joy by drinking out of the well. So I am asking you to stop blogging about your hatered for Mormonism its just not nice. let us freely believe in what we want and we will let you freely believe in what you want. I would like to hear back from you. I think you are a very intelligent person and I think you probably live your life at a high standard. I do not care much for arguing about who's right but rather I delight in conversation of views. Thank you for your time.

Ah, "my blogging about my hatered for Mormonism its just not nice." My bad.

After weeding my way through this email, I responded, thanking him for his email - and then setting out some areas about which I wanted to know his views (such as Polygamy, Polyandry, the Book of Abraham, the Book of Mormon, the supposed Martyrdom of Joseph Smith, the Nauvoo Expositor, the First Vision and its different accounts, etc.). But when he responded, he did not address any of queries. Instead, he said the following:

Diane! i am very glad to hear back from you. you responded so quickly i didn't realize you had, thank you. i am not naive about any of this. i worked very long and very hard to get my answers i am not educated in this but i have studied a lot and enough to form my own views. i was never told to believe anything, not from the church and not from family. i once asked for my dads help on a question, he kindly told me that i could figure it out and only told me to read books. my father didn't even tell me which books to read. he said information on the internet is unreliable. i found this to be true as to the fact that many internet sources on the matter are by people who are uneducated on the matter such as you and they place so much of their opinion within the facts. my church leaders would give me their opinion on the subject and tell me to find my own answer to the question most of my leaders answers i didn't agree with. that or i didn't fully agree with it. though that's the beauty of it, we are all able to find truth in our own way. that's why the church promotes us to ask for our self's. I often found myself reading books by Hugh Nibley. his explanations of my questions were very thorough. i liked reading his stuff because he is a convert to the church and is very well educated. (he did his research first hand). obviously, this didn't stop me from going to internet sites that were completely anti-mormon. i did visit your blog and revisited.

Diane in my last letter i explained that i don't enjoy arguing about who's right. i could go through each of these and give you the explanations that i have found but we both know that neither of us will give on the matter. we could go back and forth for days. if you want to see my views i will tell you the books i read for each question and the chapter i found most truth in. Hugh Nibley and other authors explain it so much better then i could ( i am very young). i am so much more interested in hearing about what you now believe i find that that would be a much better conversation.

the well is poisoned (in your opinion) you don't know it is poisoned. you cant know because me and so many other people have studied the same information as you and have declared it a well that will give you everlasting life. not all Mormon's are ignorant as you may think they are. in fact most are very well informed about their church history. again i am asking you to stop blogging about your hate for gods church. it is very hurtful that someone can be so mean about what someone believes. i love my religion and for you to attack it is to attack me. i don't care if you want to say that you only hate Mormonism and not Mormons. this church is such a big part of my life, that this is nothing less than a direct attack on me. thank you for your time.

Of course, he's right about one thing - we could go back and forth for days and even longer, and we probably wouldn't get anywhere (especially since he seems to think Hugh Nibley's word is golden). So I will probably send him a response saying, "Stop blogging? Isn't going to happen." I think I'll also include the fact that though the Mormon Church claims that there are 14 million Mormons in the world, less than half of them are active. So that means that there are 7 million active Mormons (and that's a high estimate). Given that the world's population is 7 billion, that means that the 7 million Mormons are .01% of the current world's population. Yes, that's one tenth of one percent. So much for "me and so many other people" who have "studied the same information as I have and declared it" to be true. Does he really think that God is only going to save Mormons in the Celestial Kingdom - when they are such a small percentage (in fact, infinitesimal) of the people who are living on the earth right now? Of course, when you add in all those who have preceded the current population, it makes the Mormons even a smaller percentage of the entire picture. Mormons can be so egotistical in thinking that they are the only ones who have the "correct answers."
This 18 year old boy is obviously all "gung-ho" about the Mormon Church and not willing to look at alternative views. Hopefully, though, one day he will see the actual truth. I hope this for all Mormons. Because clearly, the problems are plenty...

So here is my latest LDS Hymn Parody - my 94th one to date. I've been working on some others, so hopefully soon I'll hit the 100 mark.

MORMONS, THE PROBLEMS ARE PLENTY
Sung to the tune of Master, the Tempest Is Raging ‑ #105

1. Mormons, the problems are plenty,
So clearly it’s all a fraud.
I think if you look at it closely,
You’ll see that it’s hugely flawed.
Carest thou not that it’s bullshit?
How canst thou go along?
If you take off the blinders, you’ll see it,
The whole thing is clearly wrong.

(Chorus)
It’s clear Mormonism is filled with lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Whether they tell you to just believe,
Don’t simply accept it and be that naïve.
The facts and the evidence clearly show
What Joseph Smith conjured up years ago.
Just do some research, you’ll see the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Just do some research, you’ll see the lies,
There’s no disguise.

2. Mormons, some critical thinking
Is called for, not blind belief.
The questions I found myself asking
Were answered with great relief.
For many years, I believed it,
Stuck my head in the sand.
Though it took me some time to admit it,
Such joy when I took a stand.

(Chorus)
Just opened my eyes and could see the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
I heard the mantra to just believe,
And for many years, I was blind and naïve.
It wasn’t till I did my own research,
Deception I saw in the Mormon Church.
Through my own research, I saw the lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
Through my own research, I saw the lies,
There’s no disguise.

3. Mormons, it’s filled with deception,
Just look with discerning eyes.
The falsehoods throughout it aren’t hidden,
The evidence truth belies.
So many Mormons accept it,
Saying their bosoms burn,
And they bear testimony on Sunday,
But when will the truth they learn?

(Chorus)
It’s clear Mormonism is filled with lies,
No disguise, no disguise.
It is not wise when you just believe,
They say just accept it, but don’t be naïve.
When all of the facts show it is not true,
Don’t stay in denial, but say adieu.
The Mormon Church is a total fraud,
False façade, false façade.
The Mormon Church is a total fraud,
Not Word of God.

© Diane Tingen, 5/16/2013