THE 15 MORMON MEN WHO CALL THE SHOTS - LDS Hymn Parody #115

With yesterday's passing of Boyd K. Packer, I'm sure I'm not the only who is relieved that he won't be able to spread his unique brand of toxicity anymore.  But even aside from that perk, his passing has reminded me not only of all the horrible things he said during his many years on the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Mormon Church, but also the tenor and substance of the Top 15 General Authorities overall.  The fact is, this is a group of 15 elderly men who are completely out-of-touch with reality. They spew venom regularly and single out groups of people who they deem to be sinners and pass judgment on them. 

In an article that appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune on March 3, 2015, it was pointed out that
80 is the average age of the Top 15.  Just look at these ages:*

FIRST PRESIDENCY:

     Thomas S. Monson - 87.53 years

     Henry B. Eyring - 81.75 years

     Dieter F. Uchtdorf - 74.32 years

QUORUM OF THE TWELVE APOSTLES:

     Boyd K. Packer - 90.48 years (dec'd 7/3/2015)

     L. Tom Perry - 92.57 years (dec'd 5/30/2015)

     Russell M. Nelson - 90.48 years

     Dallin H. Oaks - 82.55 years

     M. Russell Ballard - 86.40 years

     Richard G. Scott - 86.32 years

     Robert D. Hales - 82.52 years

     Jeffrey R. Holland - 74.25 years

     David A. Bednar - 62.71 years

     Quentin L. Cook - 74.48 years

     D. Todd Christofferson - 70.10 years

     Neil L. Andersen - 63.56 years

*This list was from March 2015, so they are even older now.

In my opinion, that's a horrifying list - and not just because of their advanced ages.  Even aside from that obvious fact, the bottom line is that they are completely out-of touch and apparently refuse to see that they are increasingly alienating people with every passing day.  Sadly, even removing Boyd K. Packer from the group doesn't make it any more palatable. 

It should be interesting to see who BKP's replacement will be.  As far as I've been able to find, they haven't replaced L. Tom Perry yet.  But then, there are so many potential douchebags to choose from that I'm sure it's a hard decision for "the Lord" to make...

Of course, BKP was his own special brand of horrible and awful.  The ridiculous quotes are endless. Like when he said, "Some things that are true are not very useful."  Through this philosophy, he tried to whitewash not only the sordid history of the Mormon Church but also is bogus doctrines.  And of course there's the horrible things he said about gays and gay marriage.  So glad he lived long enough to see the Supreme Court make gay marriage legal in all 50 states!!  Maybe that was what finally put him over the edge...

And of course, since I'm of the firm belief that the Mormon Church is a total fraud, was a hoax from the beginning, is replete with deceptive doctrine, and is filled with lies made up by Joseph Smith, it's very clear to me that the Top 15 are perpetuating those lies for their own purposes.  They have all made a career out of "hocking" the Mormon Church, and most of them sit on various Boards of companies that make them a lot of money (such as Beneficial Life).  To publicly admit that they know it's a fraud would be financial death for them.  And God forbid they should have any degree of honesty and integrity. 

So here's my latest LDS hymn parody, dedicated to The 15 Mormon Men who deem themselves to be holier-than-thou, spout their venomous and condescending views at every opportunity they are given, and guard the Mormon Party Line (and their pocketbooks) with their very lives.

THE 15 MORMON MEN WHO CALL THE SHOTS TODAY

Sung to the tune of An Angel from on High - #13

The 15 Mormon Men

Who call the shots today
Are really just a joke
With all the games they play.
Enforcing laws and making rules
When they are just a bunch of tools.
Enforcing laws and making rules
When they are just a bunch of tools.

There’s Monson and Uchtdorf,
And Eyring at the top.
With others in the Twelve,
A truly a frightful crop.
They’re out of touch and very old,
Their hands and hearts extremely cold.
They’re out of touch and very old,
Their hands and hearts extremely cold.

It’s very clear to see
That all the 15 men
Know surely it’s a fraud
But they all say Amen.
They spew the Mormon Party Line
As truthfulness they redefine.
They spew the Mormon Party Line
As truthfulness they redefine.

With Boyd K. Packer gone,
His reign of terror through.
A truly dreadful man
Who ugliness would spew.
And all the awful things he said,
His legacy now that he’s dead.
And all the awful things he said,
His legacy now that he’s dead.

But in the Mormon Church,
Such venom is revered.
And those like BKP
Are not considered weird.
And so the others follow course,
And ride the same old tired horse.
And so the others follow course,
And ride the same old tired horse.

© Diane Tingen
7/4/2015