ExMormon Hymn Book: WHEN I WAS QUESTIONING

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

WHEN I WAS QUESTIONING - LDS Hymn Parody #74

Looking back on the days when I was questioning whether what the Mormon Church teaches is true, I remember many moments when my gut feelings were that it is not. But I continued to struggle with my conflicted feelings, wondering if I was misunderstanding the history and doctrine. After all, I had been conditioned my entire life to just go along. So in essence, my feelings of possible inadequacy were placed inside my psyche by Mormonism over the years. They wanted me to think that it was all me. They wanted me to think that I simply didn't have enough faith or wasn't "righteous enough" to fully comprehend the meaning behind it all. Of course, that's how the Mormon Church traps people. They work hard to make people think that if they try harder, pray more, read their scriptures more, attend church more, etc., etc., ad nauseum, then they will understand it all and it will all make sense.

But alas, that didn't work for me. I continued to feel conflicted until I began to research it independently, and after a while, I realized that it is actually a fraud. It wasn't me or my lack of faith that created the questioning inside me - it was the sordid history, doctrine and tenets of the Mormon Church. The Mormons choose to believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God in spite of the facts and evidence against that assertion. They choose to believe that Joseph Smith "restored the everlasting gospel to the earth" although the facts and evidence demonstrate otherwise. To me, when the facts and evidence are against something that a person continues to insist is true, they are not demonstrating faith, but rather denial. And as far as I'm concerned, TBMs (true believing Mormons) are steeped in denial, big time.

Realizing that I had been lied to my entire life was a very painful revelation, but it is one for which I am very grateful - and I am very thankful that I will not be spending the rest of my entire life devoted to a religion that is obviously false.

My latest LDS hymn parody is set to the music for "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" This used to be one of my favorite LDS hymns. As I wrote this hymn parody, I kept thinking about the inner peace I found when I turned away from Mormonism. No longer am I questioning. My conflicted feelings have been replaced with a firm belief that Joseph Smith made the whole thing up - and others have spent many years perpetuating his lies for their own purposes. I just wish TBMs would look at their religion with open minds, researching and examining its history and doctrine on their own, independent from the choke-hold that the Mormon Church imposes on its members. Then, just maybe, they would come to the same conclusion as I did.

So here is my 74th Hymn Parody...

WHEN I WAS QUESTIONING
Sung to the tune of Where Can I Turn for Peace? #129

When I was questioning, looking for answers
To all the queries racing through my mind.
When with a wounded heart, seeing the errors,
I finally recognized, no truth I’d find.

The Mormon Church is filled with such deception,
When I examined it, I saw the lies.
Through sordid history to its false doctrine,
It is so clear to me, there’s no disguise.

I know that Joseph Smith was not a Prophet,
He simply made it up, that was his scheme.
He was a charlatan, there was no limit
To what he’d say or do, shyster supreme.

Why did I just believe in Mormonism
When it’s so obvious that it is a fraud?
Opened my mind and then, there was a schism,
I knew without a doubt, not Word of God.

No comments:

MY EXIT FROM MORMONISM

As a preface to my thoughts about Mormonism (and my exit from my lifelong religion), I would like to share the following quote:

"Well, it's either true or false. If it's false, we're engaged in a great fraud. If it's true, it's the most important thing in the world. Now, that's the
whole picture. It is either right or wrong, true or false, fraudulent or true."

President Gordon B. Hinckley,
Interview, "The Mormons,"
PBS Documentary, April 2007

In essence, after researching the roots of Mormonism, which obviously form its foundation, as well as examining its doctrine in depth, I have concluded that it is a great fraud. Having been born and raised in the Mormon Church, and remaining LDS until my early 50's, facing that realization was very difficult and was not done lightly.

SOME BACKGROUND:
In the Summer of 2001, I went on a Mormon Church History Tour. Before going, I decided to do some research so I would know more about what occurred at the key places when we visited them. But that was the beginning of the end for me as I discovered more and more of the sordid history of the Mormon Church. Soon, I began to realize that Joseph Smith made the whole thing up and that the Mormon Church is built on an enormous stack of lies. Sadly, I also began to realize that I had allowed the Mormon Church to pull the wool over my eyes for a very long time. But even with that realization, it took me quite a while longer to finally break away because of how intricately my life was tied up in Mormonism and how long I had been blinded by the lies Mormonism perpetuates (which, of course, is what they are counting on).

But finally, I did break away - and I have now been Mormonism Free for over 8 years. What I have realized during the ensuing years is that my intellectual curiosity was squelched by Mormonism. Being told to "just believe" and "have faith" was very detrimental to my psyche, particularly since so much made little sense. Trying to rationalize through everything had a negative effect on me as well, making me very confused and uncomfortable. Since that time, I have discovered that these types of feelings are called "cognitive dissonance" (a feeling of discomfort when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions). Cognitive dissonance is discussed in greater length in a book I have written, which is coming soon to Amazon.com and Kindle. Since leaving Mormonism behind, I have grown so much and have discovered who I really am - and that is a tremendous gift.

As noted above, a book I have written is coming soon to Amazon.com and Kindle. That book (entitled "Finding My Own Voice: The AHA!! Moments of a Former Mormon Woman") chronicles my very long journey through and away from Mormonism and discussed many of the issues that had plagued me for many years. Also, on my other blog - www.mormonismschism.blogspot.com - you will find some poems I have written about my views concerning various aspects of Mormonism as well as discussions relative to the issues that led to my decision to eventually disassociate myself from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

In sharing my opinions and the information I have uncovered, it is my hope that I can in some small way help others by offering some insights into issues that many Mormons undoubtedly face in determining whether or not their faith has been misplaced.

For those of you who are thinking, "Oh, those Ex-Mormons... they can leave the church but they can't leave it alone," I offer this quote:

"Some of you are probably thinking, "Why don't you just leave them (the Mormons) alone?" So I ask you, if you saw a thirsty man drinking water from a well you knew to be poisoned, would you let him continue to drink or would you guide him to a safe well? ~Christopher Miller

While I'm sure that active Mormons (TBMs) and the Mormon Church itself would be much happier if people who have left the church kept their opinions to themselves, I cannot do that. If I can help one person to see the lies that are laced throughout Mormonism, then I will feel that my efforts have not been in vain.